Are men and women really different when it comes to gift giving?

by Tim Connor, CSP

Numerous books have been written pointing out how men and women are different. In some cases I accept those apparent differences and in others I think the authors were just trying to sell more books by offering the readers a controversial title or topic. I am not concerned here--I know your time is limited--with the physiological, actuarial, physical, mental, or emotional differences, as many of them as there are.

My concern is: How are women different from men when it comes to needs, expectations, reactions, hopes, dreams, or frustrations in the area of giving and receiving gifts?

Most women, most of the time, give gifts from the heart. Their desire is that the gift will have a lasting, positive impression on the man. Yes, there are some exceptions to this rule but, hopefully, the lady in your life falls into this category. Then there are women who give gifts using the same rationale and mindset as a male.

Men give gifts for one of three reasons:

1. They want something in return.

2. They truly love and cherish the female in their life and want to express that love with acts of kindness or thoughtfulness with their gifts.

3. It is something they secretly want themselves.

Believe me, I am not qualified to go any deeper into the psychology of women any more than this. I have spent my entire life trying to better understand the women in my life. Yes, there was always an agenda--less pain, frustration, stress, or anxiety--but bottom line was that I was just trying to survive in the torrid waters of male/female relationships.

What do women really want? Boy, could I get myself in real hot water trying to answer this question. But I am going to assume that no female

will ever read this book. If one does, I am sure I will get an email that will keep me up until all hours trying to answer it tactfully. Back to the question, what do women really want?

They say gifts dont have to be expensive, just thoughtful. Not true. I once gave my wife a $1000 vacuum, the most expensive one on the market. It was light, easy to use, and quite stylish. My thought was, it will make her life easier. WRONG! She didnt want her life easier, she wanted a maid.

Then there was the time when I was trying to save a relationship that was doomed from the beginning, and the last Christmas we were together I spent over $3000 buying so many gifts that the entire living room looked like Santas Village. Three weeks later the tags were still on all of the gifts, and they were in bags. Two weeks later the bags were gone. You guessed it: She returned every one of them and, can you believe it, she kept all of the money. So whats the point? I dont have a clue what women want. I just know that the rules and expectations can change in a heartbeat, and I never

get the memo that they have changed. Oh sure, they want romantic gifts like jewelry, perfume, flowers, and possibly even lingerie, but give these at the wrong time or for the wrong reason and they, too, can haunt your every waking moment.

Here is what I think. Any gift that says you love her, cherish her, respect her, understand her, know her, want her, believe in her, or desire her (this list is too long to continue) is usually pretty safe. The problem is: I dare you to show me even one man, even after fifty years of marriage, who knows a fraction of any of them.

So are we doomed to never figuring out what to give her, when to give it to her, how to give it to her, and why to give it to her? It depends. Buy and read the book as soon as you can get your hands on it, especially if you have an anniversary, birthday or any special occasion in the next several weeks. Just click here now.

Buying the right gifts for women is the hardest thing you will ever have to do as a male.

The only purpose for reading The Male Gift Giving Survival Guide is that it will improve your relationship and save you a ton of money in the process. If you need any more reason than that I suggest that you sit back down in front of the TV watching the latest game, cause you are destined to give gifts to the woman in your life that she doesnt like, need, want or wont use. So why bother?

Are women so hard to buy for? Ask most males and you will get a resounding 'Yes' and 'Amen.' Ask any wimp or caged monkey and you will hear, 'She loves every gift I have ever given her.' Dont make me throw up!

Well, let me give you an example. Ask one woman what is a BAD gift and she will tell you, 'Anything that has a cord and a plug.' My wife wanted a color TV for the kitchen for Christmas one year. Now, here is the problem: It couldnt have a plug. It took me three days and a lot of shopping to find one that was battery operated. It also had a back-up plug. Guess which power source she uses? You guessed it, the plug. What is it with plugs, anyway? Many of the best gift examples in Chapter Ten show that plugs are OK as long as it belongs on something she wants.

Heres another one: Negligee is a taboo unless it is something SHE wants.

Jewelry is OK if it is expensive or exactly what SHE wants, but dont buy anything cheap or you will pay and pay and pay.

Flowers are good gifts most of the time, but I know what you are thinking: How can you go wrong with flowers? Well, if they are not the kind SHE likes, its just as bad as not giving them at all.

You can see how gift giving can get really complicated if you DONT KNOW WHAT SHE WANTS!

OK, so you think you know her: She likes flannel PJs, so you give them to her from Victorias Secret and her response is, 'I hate flannel!'

Whats up here, ladies? WHAT DO YOU WANT? You see, guys, it is not the gift that is the real issue, but the thinking, caring, creativity, and effort that you put into in, not necessarily how much you spend or what kind of box it is in.

The answer, my friend, is not always easy.

How about: She likes the outdoors and loves to hike in the mountains on weekends. Aha, you think, I will get her a new pair of hiking boots. I can tell you I have stopped buying shoes for women. Their taste and mine are light years apart. I like fancy sexy shoes, some women like comfortable shoes, and you usually dont get both in the same pair of shoes.

Its about protecting my feelings here. I spend $100 on a pair of shoes for her--more than I would spend on shoes for myself--and before she even tries them on, she says, 'Oh, nice.' Trust me: 'Oh, nice' is like you saying 'fine' or 'whatever' to her.

Lets try one more. Perfume. Seems like it should be a safe gift, right? Maybe yes and maybe no?

Buy her the fragrance you like or you think she likes, and there is no guarantee she will ever wear it.

There is more sexy unworn underwear folded nicely in womens dresser drawers today than on the shelves of all of the department stores in the country.

By now you are probably saying: Why bother? I give up. Whats the point? I cant win. Well, there is hope and it will cost you less than the price of lunch for two. Buy the book today and begin to experience what relationships are really supposed to be like. I promise you. Just click here now .

Tim Connor, CSP is an internationally renowned sales, relationship, management and leadership speaker, trainer and best selling author. Since 1981 he has given over 3500 presentations in 21 countries. He is the best selling author of over 60 books including; 26 Relationship Ruts and How to Avoid Them, Soft Sell, Your First Year in Sales, Peace of Mind and The Male Gift Giving Survival Guide. He can be reached at tim@timconnor.com or www.timconnor.com.

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